Rant-astic Saturday

Given my impending travel plans, I thought it best to try to work out prior to going to St. Louis where the hotel’s “gym” consists of an antiquated treadmill and a pair of 20 lb dumbbells. So I headed to my old gym in downtown Oakland on Saturday. After about 30 minutes, I was quickly reminded about how odd that place is. I previously noted the workout fashion statements at the 24 Hour Fitness in Oakland , but apparently my initial advice was too narrow.

So here’s a few additional pieces of unsolicited advice to my fellow gym members:

* To the people who are on the cell phone while in the gym. I understand if you have an urgent call that you have to take. But I don’t understand the folks that will stop working out for 10 minutes (and thereby tie up equipment) while they take that all-important call. Rather, you should be more thoughtful like the multitaskers that will continue to work out while talking on the phone. Exhibit A - the dude was shuffling on the treadmill today (god only knows how you can hear anything). Exhibit B - the woman on the leg extension machine who talked while doing her set of 50. Well done, all!

* To the woman that sat in a meditative state on the calf raise machine for five minutes straight without exercising or even moving. Please note that you are not sitting in your office cube. If the machine is that goddamned intimidating, perhaps you should just skip it. Sitting there in a coma-like trance and mentally imagining yourself lifting weights is not the same as actually doing it, I hate to break it to you. Ditto to the guy napping on the bench press. Caffeinate up, people!

* To the heavy-perspirers that leave puddles of sweat on the equipment. Hey SpongeBob, would it kill you to towel off the machine when you’re done with it? There was one dude today that left a deposit of sweat that you could have squeegeed off. Awesome.

* To the guy who keeps lifting up his shirt to look at his abs. Hey pay, can you do that in the locker room? Or could you only do it once? But I guess it’s not as bad as the guy who’s stretching on the floor in front of the mirrors without a shirt on. Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you forget that you’re not at home? At least have the decency to put on a homemade muscle tank top (which at least covers the love handles) like the dude sleeping on the bench press.

It's not me, it's you.

BTW, head shots are in, in case anyone wants one. Yes, Derek, I have yours all ready to go.