Monday, July 31, 2006

Travel Diaries - Costa Rica

Hey kids, I'm back in town, rested and tanned from eight days in Costa Rica. I had a fantastic time, even though I am missing (in no particular order) the Maxi-Bodega, Willie the Insane Driver, “Fingers,” and Guaro. Thanks to everyone (A.S., B.G., C.M., G.B., M.S., and S.S.), who went to CR as well. It was also great catching up with A-Train and M. on the trip, who joined up from Panama.

We stayed in an amazing/huge condo near Jaco, which is a beach town on the Pacific Ocean side of Costa Rich that's known for its surfing (more on that later). It was an amazing, event-packed trip over the 8 days we were there, so I’ll just break up the highlights over a few posts. What follows below is a quick synopsis of the water-related adventures, including pictures. Land-related aspects of the trip -- including, without limitation, my hand feeding monkeys and risking my life for sport -- will follow under a separate entries.

On our 3rd day there, the crew of the “Spanish Fly” (I’m not making this up) took a group of seven of us out. When they say deep sea, they mean it. I estimate that we were at least 15 - 20 miles off short.

Note to my readership - do NOT drink to excess the night before you head out on an all-day deep sea fishing. Trust me, it’s about as wise as sharing a hypodermic needle with Tommy Lee. I was green the entire way out, but managed to rally once we started cruising.

Now for me, this was my first time deep sea fishing. But having watched “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” for years when I was a kid made me an expert, at least in my mind I was. That notion was quickly disabused when we snared our first fish -- a huge sailfish -- which I got the honor of reeling in. I like to think I’m pretty strong and in good shape, but that thing just wore me out. After what seemed like an hour of struggling, I finally reeled the sailfish to the port side of the boat, at which point the real fisherman brought him into the boat long enough for me and A-Train to pose next to it:

BTW, I think this photo also qualifies for my first HNT posting.)

As you can see, the monster was huge. It was about 8 feet long and was estimated at about 100-110 lbs. Since we were releasing everything we caught (sort of a marine recycling program), "Henry" took Jaws and placed him over the side of the boat in order to get water back in its lungs and then release him back into the ocean, As he was doing this, I saw that he was starting to slip in so I instinctively grabbed his feet to so save him. He then gives me this look like “what the fuck are you doing, gringo” at which point I realize he actually is intending to get into the water with Orca, the killer sailfish. “Knock yourself out,” I think to myself.

Holding the fish by its 2 foot bill, Henry yells at me to jump in.

I’m like “are you fucking kidding me?” David James is not a huge fan of oceans, nor is he a big lover of large marine wildlife that bears a striking resemblance to a shark.

“You need to jump in to take a photo with the fish,” another crewmember admonishes me.

Powered by peer pressure and adrenaline, I jump in the water and swim over to the fish, as does A-Train … even though he had nothing to do with catching the fish. Some people are just camera whores.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On the day before we left, I figured I would try my hand at surfing. Despite living most of my life in California, I am almost embarrassed to admit I’ve never surfed before. I’ve also never visited Alcatraz nor gone wine tasting in Napa Valley either, but we’ll just keep that to ourselves. I have a reputation to protect here.

For those that have never tried it before, surfing is really hard. It takes balance, stamina and a lot of experience before you really get the hang at it and are any good. It’s even more difficult to cut one’s surfing teeth in an a region that’s known for its challenging waves and avid surfing scene. But when in Rome ….

A.S. is a great surfer and was a patient instructor. After some basic instruction (“avoid drowning,” “try not to embarrass yourself”), I headed out to the not-so-deep blue. It was difficult at first, but I slowly got the hang of it after much trial and error. I don’t have an actual photo of me surfing (thanks for nothing B.G. and S.S.), but I imagine it looked a little something like this:

Okay, I didn’t actually surf a 30 foot wave, but I did see some 6 - 8 foot waves, which were large enough for me. I did avoid drowning and didn’t make a total ass of myself, so all-in-all it was a successful first time.

More content and photos to follow, including the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I Blog, Therefore I Am

I am back, boys and girls ... ladies and gentlemen and refreshed from a great vacation. While it's tough beig back at work today - well, it's only 2 days so I'll just nut up and deal with it. Blogger is acting up, so I can't post any photos. So there goes half of my blogging content. Oh well. I'm still digging out at work, but I will get some new content and photos up ASAP.

Monday, July 17, 2006

<-- Insert Witty Title Here

Just wanted to give you all a heads up that blogging will be a little sporadic this week (I know, what's new about that announcement?) as I am traveling. But I hope to post as soon as possible, including photos and funny things from my Disneyland trip ... more crazy things that Republicans do and say ... and, uhh, whatever else I seem to be writing about these days.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

RIP Asshole

There's an old adage - never speak ill of the dead. And at the memorial ceremony for Enron founder and corporate douche bag Ken Lay, that maxim was strictly followed.

The offensive article can be found here, but I've detailed some of the salient highlights below for your reading pleasure, as well as a few editorial comments.

(As an aside, it might be fun to engage in a little drinking game as you read this article. Simply down a shot of your favorite alcohol every time I use the word "fuck" and see if you can still blow 0.08 on the breathalyzer - I bet you can't.)

* Lay's stepson David Herrold told the nearly full First United Methodist Church in Houston that Lay was wrongly convicted, and that he was angry about the portrayals of his stepfather in the media. "He did have a strong faith in God and I know he's in heaven, and I'm glad he's not in a position anymore to be whipped by his enemy," Herrold said.


Uhhh, hello David ... Lay was found guilty on all six counts of conspiracy and fraud by a jury of his peers ... he was ruled guilty of four counts of fraud and false statements in a separate bench trial ... and he was a little over 3 months away from his sentencing. How in the fuck can you say he was wrongly convicted? "Whipped by his enemy?" Are you talking about the federal prosecutors? Or the angry 4,000 employees that lost their jobs and retirement savings? Help me to understand this one. And also, how in the world can you presume that he (or anyone else) is already in heaven? Don't get me wrong, it's awesome that you have that divine vision that allows you to do that, but let's keep it on the down low until after the body is cold. People are still a little bit worked up over ol' Ken (see: James, David)

* Lay was a longtime friend of the Bushes, contributing to their political campaigns and was nicknamed "Kenny Boy" by President George W. Bush.

Okay, this snippet just made me fucking ill. I guess it's a requirement that every incompetent fucking FoB ("Friend of Bush") gets some retarded nickname like "Brownie" or "Kenny Boy."

The article should have also pointed out that -- in addition to giving him a silly ol' nickname -- Bush also signed a law in 1999 deregulating Texas electric markets, which, coincidentally enough and shortly thereafter: (a) caused energy prices went through the roof ("Hello massive Enron profits", and (b) caused Kenny Boy to return the favor by becoming one of the largest contributors to the Bush-Cheney 2000 presidential campaign (his donation history shows he contributed a staggering $651,760 to Republicans). Odd coincidence that all is.

* The ceremony started slightly late after former Houston Mayor Bob Lanier collapsed in the aisle as he entered the church. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and an announcement made later in the ceremony said he was in stable condition.

This was probably the most ridiculous part of the article. What grown man swoons at another grown man's funeral, like he's a pre-pubescent teenage girl at a "New Kids On The Block" concert. Fucking nut up, Bobby Boy (or would it be "Lanie"?).

* The Reverend Dr. Bill Lawson compared Lay with civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus Christ, and said his name would eventually be cleared. "He was taken out of the world right at the right time," he said. "History has a way of vindicating people who have been wronged."

Wait, there's more hyperbolic goodness:

"The folks who don't like him have had their say. I'd like to have mine ... (Like Jesus Christ) he was crucified by a government that mistreated him."

Okay, this comment was so fucking insane and over the top, that I simply had to disregard it in its entirety. I dunno Reverend, last time I checked, I really don't recall Jesus being the cause of rolling blackouts in Nazareth or MLK making $42 million in salary or dumping $300 million in Enron stock. I'm pretty sure that Gandhi was indicted, but then again I'm really bad on history.

* Reverend Steve Wende, pastor at First Methodist Church of Houston which Lay attended: Lay was "in many ways a great hero to me."


Memo to dumbfuck Reverend Wende: please note that to others, Ken Lay was the worthless piece of shit that headed the company that manipulated energy markets, defrauded investors, and ruined the lives of thousands of employees. Oh well, you say po-tay'-toe, I say po'-ta-ta.

Enjoy hell, Ken Lay. I'll see you soon. Let's hope they serve beer there.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Pirtes of the Caribbean: Dirty Feet Walking

A more Disney post will follow, but I thought I would post a Disney-related item in the interim. Keira Knightley meet my good friend, sandals.

Ick.

Friday, July 07, 2006

I Am Alive

I swear I am. I know it's been a long time, kiddies, but work has been crazier than Tom Cruise (if that's even possible). But there's some good news on the horizon: (1) it's Friday, which means that everyone in my company will soon stop working after lunch, and (2) I'm headed to Disneyland this weekend which means good blog content next week, plus I ..., uhh, the kids get to ride on the new Pirates of the Caribbean ride. They/we/I can't wait.

And just because ...