Turbulescent Times

It’s 1,723 miles to St. Louis …. I have a round trip ticket ….half a pack of gum … it’s cold … and I don’t have a jacket.

Yes, as I ticked through my mental checklist of items, I noted that a coat might have some utility. St. Louis had slow flurries this past weekend and the temperatures are expected to climb into the thirties. I even removed it from the closet. You know where this is going. Somehow I remembered to bring that all-important turkey jerky, but somehow neglected to bring a suitable winter coat. Yes, I am a dizzy blond.

I quickly analyze my options. Having experienced my fair share of travel snafus, I’ve developed the keen ability to evaluate my given situation and figure out a reasoned solution. Please note that I’ve not yet developed the ability to avoid said travel snafus in the first place, but still.

Let’s see, what my options are:

(a) Go home and get my jacket. Miss my plane. Get fired. That won’t work.

(b) Purchase a coat at the airport. Given this the airport is in Oakland and not San Francisco, the duty free shops will certainly be of lesser quality. And by lesser quality, I really mean “non-existent.” Somehow I just don’t think that a “Welcome to Oakland!” hooded sweatshirt will make the best impression during my meetings tomorrow.

(c) Say “fuck it” and freeze my ass off. Hope my sweater is magically able to deter wind and snow.

Given that I’m going to be there all of 36 hours, I opt for C and keep my fingers crossed. But seriously, how bad can it be? I’ve lived in DC and Colorado, so I can handle cold weather, can’t I? I’ve only lived back in the Bay Area for a year, so I should have retained at least some of my ability to cope with cold weather. Besides, I get to avoid lugging around that big, bulky leather jacket of mine. So maybe this will turn out okay.

Anyone that’s read this blog has to believe that I suffer from some sort “Munchausen’s Travel Syndrome,” but I have to believe it’s all coincidence. In fact, I’m not the only one that experiences bad travel karma. To wit:

* When walking in the short term parking lot on the way to the airport, I noticed a car that had carefully locked its doors, put on its steering wheel lock and rolled up all of the windows. All of the windows, that is, except for the passenger window. I have no idea what will happen to this car, but given that this is Oakland and we’re expected to have rain here soon, I can safely predict that your call will not be in the same condition as you left it.

* There’s a young guy wearing a fur coat that carried on a huge Valentine’s Day balloon. The balloon is heart shaped and at least 3 feet wide/tall, and literally fills up two passenger seats. Thankfully, I am not sitting next to Silky the romantic pimp.

* While we were departing the plane, I noticed that someone actually smuggled their rat-sized dog on board and hid it in her bag. We are the Paris Hilton generation. Holy shit, is that permissible? Perhaps it is, who knows. I can honestly say though that I would have entirely flipped out if Ms. Bojangles (or whatever the fuck it was named) made a tinkle during the flight..

All in all, not too bad a flying day. I realize that I’ve certainly jinxed my return flight with that little acknowledgement, but I like to live dangerously.