Wednesday, January 09, 2008

No Blog For Old Men

The New York Daily News is reporting that Will Smith is now officially insane and has been actively recruiting for the Church of Scientology.

The article states:

"Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that Scientology can fix right up for you.

Smith, who is best buddies with Scientology booster Tom Cruise, has never confirmed that he joined the church. But he told "Access Hollywood" last month: "I was introduced to it by Tom, and I'm a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism."

I'll put aside for a moment what a cheap fucker Will Smith is for giving out free personality testing sessions. It's like giving out AOL CDs as a gift. But I'm more amused by the concept that Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism have 98% in common with Scientology. Okay, people shouln't steal, kill or lie ... love your fellow man ... Okay, that's all pretty basic. But it's that 2% of Scientology craziness about spaceships and galactic souls that doesn't quite jibe with traditional religions.

Now it had been a while since David James' last bible study, so I whipped out the good book and tried to find the "OT level III book" of the Old Testament. Lo and behold, there is is in the book of Xenu, just as plain as day:

Xenu 1:1. "And 75 million years ago, God introduced Zenu as alien ruler of the Galactic Confederacy. And the Lord said 'Xenu bring billions of people to Earth in spacecrafts, stack them around volcanoes and blow them up with hydrogen bombs.' And Xenu did as the Lord requested and their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living as they continue to do this day. And the prophet L. Ron Hubbard shall call these clustered spirits "Body Thetans" and the Lord instructed his advanced-level Scientologist believers to place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects."

And then the Lord rested on the seventh day (i.e., the "Xenu Sabbath"), because he was tired of listening to this bullshit.

3 comments:

Kate said...

I hope you only know that much from current research.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I would love to be able to say that I was creative enough to make up something that nutty. But I have to admit that I found the information searching on the terms "Scientology batshit insane beliefs."