Karma is a Bitch

As I’ve previously noted (or is it “blogged?” God, I hate that word), I really don’t like flying. I realize it’s a necessary evil -- but it’s still evil. It’s kind of like being an idiot savant. At the end of the day, you’re still an idiot.

Anyway, today’s flight is no different than others, just chock full of fun memories. To wit:

* The middle aged woman sitting in the seat across the isle from me is driving me fucking nuts. It’s fine that she wears those non-sensical “motion-sickness-away” wrist bands. But to help her cope with the flight, she insists on doing Tai Chi for a solid 10 minutes. During her yoga time, it’s almost impossible for others to pass her without smacking my elbow/head/shoulder with their ass, including the 400 lb. dude who just assaulted me with his brontosaurus-sized ass (no way to avoid him). And seeing as how he was back there for a solid 15 minutes, he probably just pinched a huge colon loaf (Hello Lenny Kravitz!). Lovely visual there.

* The woman in the seat in front of me is vigorously knitting a sweater and her head keeps bobbing back and forth, like a goddamned woodpecker. Man, she is into it. I guess I shouldn’t care, but it’s goddamn distracting and makes my seat vibrate. Jesus, I’d be happy to just give her the money to buy a sweater if she’d only just stop.

* I just returned from the loo which the 400 pound Sasquatch must have just used. That was awful. I’m not sure what the guy ate, but I’m guessing curried lentils and/or spareribs were on the menu.

* I’ve mentioned my distaste/fear of turbulence, which is probably the thing I like least about flying. And today’s flight was turbulent-riffic. It kicked in around the time we’d be over the Colorado mountains and lasted for half an hour. I timed it. Somehow, I was able to distract myself with trying to figure out the plot nuances of “Fantastic Four.” That and the tight shirts that Jessica Alba wore during the entire movie.

* The Tai Chi master moved on to reading a court complaint. God, she’s an attorney. I hate attorneys.

* Since it’s an 11 hour flight from CA to DC, we get two movies for the price of one. In addition to the aforementioned “Fantastic Four,” we’ve been blessed with “Rebound” starring Martin Lawrence, where he goes way out of character to play a [ CHOOSE AN ADJECTIVE: angry / crazy / street wise ] [ CHOOSE A NOUN: sidekick / wise guy / coach]. This guy is a master thespian. He should change his name to Martin Lawrence Olivier. God, this movie looks awful. I can’t bring myself to distract myself with it, no matter how bad the turbulence gets.

I finally arrived at Washington-Dulles to spend a drunken weekend with VMD, D-Rek (his blog is great - check this out) and Bad Perm James.

If past drinking patterns are indicative of future ones, I predict my entry into rehab will likely occur by mid-week. Keep you posted.

Also, good luck to Berkeley RFC in Arizona this weekend. I wish I were there, lads. See you next week.