The Dark Night Review

So last night I became what was probably the 30 millionth person to see The Dark Knight, which was very, very good. Like everyone else, I thought Heath Ledger was amazing and shoe-in to garner award accolades. The Dark Knight is a great comic adaption, very dark and much more complex than your average comic-based movie.

Now I know it's a movie that is based on a comic book, so I accept the fact that I have to suspend disbelief and accept a few plot holes and goofs in the movie. And while I really enjoyed the movie, I am not sure it lives up to its Titantic-sized hype.

For example, IMDB has this as the highest rated film of all time. Now it was a fun movie, but seriously, the best of all time? Hello, have people already forgotten about Maid in Manhattan and Short Circuit 2? What is wrong with you people?

Other issues I had with the movie:

* I enjoyed the movie, but it was way too long. You could have easily cut out 20 minutes and tightened up the film. Of course, I might have already been fatigued by the seven (!) movie previews and six (!!) commercials beforehand.

* Maggie Gyllenhaall as the female love interest still didn't do it for me. Sure she was an improvement over Katie Holmes, but was Scarlett Johansson unavailable for the movie? However, if they rewrote the script so that the Rachel Dawes character gets attached by a bear, then I would have preferred that Paris Hilton be cast in the role.

* There were a bunch of small things that annoyed me. First, the mayor's eyes looked like he was wearing eye liner. I swear to God. It’s all I could focus on when he was on the screen. Also, Christian Bale’s voice when he was dressed as Batman bugged the shit out of me. And since when did Batman's costume go from tights and a cape to body armor? Hello, I liked it more last time when they called it “Iron Man” (which I actually liked more than the “Dark Knight”).

* At the end of the movie, the Joker protects himself using dogs. Dogs, really? Is that really supposed to stop anyone? Jesus, he’s Batman, not a postal employee. Batman fought ninjas in the first movie without any weapons and did just fine but now he can’t defend himself against three dogs.

* I sat in the 3rd row after showing up only 30 minutes early and there were a couple of scenes where I thought I was going to go insane trying to keep track what was going on. I realize that's my problem and not the movie's but still. Two weeks later and it’s still selling out on a Tuesday night. Insane.

Overall, it was a very good movie but I must say that if you take Heath Ledger out of it, it’s about the same as the first movie which was good but not great. Although if you replaced him with Cameron Diaz, I'm not certain I would notice the difference, physically speaking.

Ode to a Celebrity's Father

Mike Myers' indicated that his recent movie The Love Guru is a tribute to his late father. His father Eric died in 1991 following a long battle with Alzheimer's disease. The comedian admits he was so devastated by the loss he embarked on a journey of self-discovery to help him cope. And it was during this time in his life that he was inspired to create the character of "The Guru."

Myers explains, "I was devastated by his death. When my father died, I went on a little spiritual quest, just to try and make sense of it all. And, in many ways, The Love Guru is honoring him by dealing with his loss, because making silly movies is how I deal with things."

You know, I really hope that when I die, my son will be so moved to write, produce and act in such a jaw-droppingly bad awful movie. "Hey dad, I loved you so much that I made this turd of a movie to remember you by!" Jessica Alba could be riding around nude on a pegasus and I still wouldn't have any desire to see the film. Seriously, I would rather watch a video of my own prostate exam than watch this movie. But then again, it would help explain his other awful tribute films as "The Cat in the Hat," "Shrek the Third" and "Wayne's World 2."

You're So Money and You Don't Even Know It

This video clip from the movie "Swingers" is, without question, the most painful, difficult to watch scene from any movie ever made. It could be just a guy thing, but I simply cringe every time I see it. Even now -- ten years after it first came out -- I can barely stand to sit through the entire scene. The Ned Beaty rape scene from "Deliverance" is far easier for me to watch. Hell, I would rather watch a homemade Star Jones sex tape than this scene.



However, there is one Star Jones video clip I could watch over and over again:

Mules Gone Wild!

The Sundance Film Festival announced Wednesday that Seattle filmmaker Robinson Devor's documentary "Zoo" has been accepted into the 2007 festival's documentary competition. The film examines the widely reported case of an Washington man who died in 2005 after having sex with a horse. "Zoo" is one of 16 documentaries selected for competition, all of which will screen as world premieres.

Really, a movie about a guy that schtupped a horse? Aren't these made all the time? You know, Rocky VI suddenly doesn't look so bad any more.

I really wish I was there to see how the actor selection process went:

Filmmaker: "I'm making a documentary and am looking for someone to play the lead in recreating some of the main scenes."
Starving Actor: "Sounds good. What does it entail?"
Filmmaker: "You're going to have to fuck a horse and then pretend to die."
Starving Actor: "Okay, I guess I'll do it. Does it pay standard wage?"
Filmmaker: "Actually, it's a documentary, so you won't be paid at all."
Filmmaker: "Okay, just .. don't .. get it my eyes."

Man, I can't wait for that one to hit the big screen. What a touching drama to capture on film. I wonder, when is the Pastor Ted Haggard documentary coming out? (Multiple puns intended)

And yes, somewhere in the faint distance I can hear someone uttering the predictable joke "Rectum? Hell, it killed him!"