Is It Friday Yet?

Too swamped to post, so I've added a picture of my favorite ballerina. This work job thing totally sucks these days.

Sign of the Times

Even though I just saw a sign the other day for sub-$3 gas here in the Bay Area, I would totally put out for free gas. Weren't we supposed to have that whole teleportation thing figured out by now?

The Daily Show's "Desperate Soundbights"

The quote at 3:11? Awesome ... yet depressing at the same time.

Can a Mourner Get a Table Dance?

In keeping with this week's theme of awful news originating from Asia, China has started cracking down on striptease acts at funerals.

In the latest news of the depressing, it was announced that striptease send-offs at Chinese funerals may become a thing of the past after 5 people were arrested for organizing a "nuderal" (my term, don't steal it) for a local farmer.

Police swooped last week after two groups of strippers gave "obscene performances" at a farmer's funeral in Donghai County, Jiangsu province, Xinhua news agency said.

The disrobing served a higher purpose, the report noted.

"Striptease used to be a common practice at funerals in Donghai's rural areas to allure viewers," it said. "Local villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the more the dead person is honored."

Striptease shows at funerals also offer the additional benefit of being able to look naked women for free, but why quibble over their stated intent. Sure I was bothered by the atrocities of Tiananmen Square, but this sent me over the edge. If an honest, hard working peasant can't get a lap dance at a funeral, then by god the communists have truly won.

As an aside, if they get groups of strippers to draw attention to a dead farmer, what do you think they have in mind to attract viewers for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing? God only knows, but let's just hope that Angelina Jolie happens to be in the area next summer adopting another baby.

(Thanks to VMD for forwarding the article - outstanding find).

Herro Paris!

In connection with Sanrio's recent announcement that they would be making a Paris Hilton version of the famous Hello Kitty doll, Sanrio recently released this photo. For some reason, Sanrio only plans on offering the doll in Japan, which I think is pretty petty for having lost the Big One to us, but oh well. Anyway, I do like the fact that Sanrio is making the doll with two friends -- Tinkelbell, her bladder-challenged Chihuahua, and Crabby, her happy social disease that lives under Paris' dress and who says "hello" every so often to Paris' boyfriends. There's hours of enjoyment to be spent watching Paris, Tinkelbell and Crabby avoid the paparazzi and appear on Internet sex videos! Fantastic times await.

Hillary Has a Nice Bust

I'm talking about The "Presidential Bust of Hillary Rodham Clinton" sculpture which is on display at the Museum of Sex in New York. What did you think I was talking about?


The piece was suuposedly inspired after actress Sharon Stone said Hillary could never be president because she is a sexual being.


I'm sorry, are we talking about Hillary Clinton or Hilary Swank? Because I can definitely understand the latter.

Free Willy

Cleto Dias, a 44-year-old Argentinean man with 37 children, has filed a request with the Argentinean authorities requesting that he be sterilized.

For the last 14 years he has been living with three women simultaneously. These days Mr. Dias is no longer capable of memorizing the names of his offspring, not to mention the dates of birth. Not surprisingly, Mr. Dias admits that he has never used condoms in his life and says he has no money for buying contraceptives because he has a large family to support. According to Mr. Dias, he makes only 1.5 Euro a day by painting walls.

"It’s hard to stuff too many hungry mouths with food every day," Mr. Dias was quoted as saying by Spiegel Online.

Good god, can you imagine the insane family bed that dude must have? You know I'm not a doctor, but I think that there is an easy cure for his problem: stop fucking. Don't cut your juevos off, perhaps simply try pulling out just a wee bit earlier or, to play it safe, simply masturbate. Although based on how horny this guy appears to be, it's safe to say he will beat his dick like it owes him money.

Run For Your Life, Hello Kitty!

In the latest sign that we have all collectively lost our minds, Paris Hilton has apparently been given her own line of Hello Kitty figures by Sanrio.

Despite being swamped at work, I searched the Sanrio website in vain - the only thing I could find was some Hello Kitty fashion show which featured Ms. Paris as a runway fashion model. (I guess there's no accounting for taste).

Anyway, if true, it appears that the dolls have got similar blonde hair, purses, and even their very own Tinkerbell. How cute. And by cute I mean "nauseating."

I just wonder when Paris' "My Lil' Crotchless Panties" and the "Hello Kitty Lip Gloss and Penicillin Set" are being introduced.

Steven Colbert on Floyd Landis

Hilarious.

Separated at Birth - The Mel Gibson Edition

See if you can distinguish Mel's recent mug shot vs. the photo of "Squiggy" from "Laverne & Shirley" fame. Don't stare too long, otherwise Mel's creepy "I swear I wasn't doing anything wrong in this van parked outside an elementary school" picture will make you permanently blind.