Lunch With the Spears Family

Those of you that know me, know that I can be somewhat risk averse. For example, I've never gone sky diving or bungee jumping. I'm also not a huge gambler. (As an aside, I've never even been to Las Vegas, which people in California think is entirely insane).

Nevertheless, I would have taken everything that I own -- my house, my Prius, and my savings -- and wagered it all on the fact that Cheetos was one of the major staples of Britney Spears' family diet. Now I wouldn't be so bold as to try to predict which Cheeto type they regularly eat.

"I wonder, do they prefer original Cheetos or are they fans of the Flaming Cheetos?" (which are, as an aside, fucking awful)."

But there was no absolutely no doubt in my mind that she and her children were regular consumers of Cheetos.

And, thanks to "OK" magazine (what a dumb name), my firmly held beliefs were proven true. This photo is fantastic. You have to love the fact that the bag of Cheetos is prominently placed at the center of the table, just like a Thanksgiving turkey. She probably believes that Sunkist "orange drink" is the same as "fruit juice." The only thing which is even mildly surprising is that one of her handlers didn't have the common sense to at least make an effort to hide them off to the side.

Next proposition bet: will the Spears kids collectively weigh over or under 500 lbs when they youngest one turns 18. I'm taking the over. And yes, I am an asshole.

538

Contrary to logic, John McCain is making this election waaay closer than it should be. Seriously, are we really going to elect the seventy-something candidate that doesn't use a computer or the Internet? Thinking about that distinct possibility seriously makes my head hurt. The only thing which helps me sleep easy at night is the fact the latest election forecast, which predicts that Obama has a 63.5% chance of winning, based on the latest polling numbers.

This comes courtesy of my new favorite political website -- 538 -- which accumulates and analyzes polling and political data in order to provide an objective, statistical assessment of the likely outcome of upcoming elections.

Now, of course, this all goes out the window if some "love baby" pops out of nowhere for Obama (well, it's generally known where a love baby would pop out of, I meant more in the unforeseen sense). I also wouldn't put it past McCain and the RNC to do whatever it takes win, so I am bracing myself for an updated version of the awfulsome Willie Horton commercial, which should be airing any day now. There's a 36.5% chance that they will win while there's a 100% chance that they will pull out all the stops to do so.

Me Smog You Long Time!

Despite my demanding semi-weekly blogging schedule, I still take time self-reflection every day and ponder my reasons for living. (Translation: I have an hour commute every morning and evening, am utterly bored with my music collection and local radio, and end up talking to myself like a crazy, semi-coherent homeless person.)

And it was during one of these moments of quiet reflection that I realized that I was perhaps being a little too harsh last week when I noted last week that Beijing is not what I would call the cleanest of cities. In hindsight, I worried that the nicknames I associated with Beijing (such as "Pigpen" and "Filthier Houston") were potentially hurtful and inaccurate. Maybe the pollution issue had been resolved by temporarily removing cars and halting manufacturing. Perhaps, I thought, I may have truly exaggerated the pollution problem.

That was until today, when I read the following article which suggested that there still might be a few issues with Beijing's air quality.

"Australian head coach Alan Thompson is searching for answers regarding the apparent pollution that has settled over the Olympic pool. The national team graced the Water Cube for the first time yesterday evening only to find the smog that has blanketed Beijing infiltrating the space-age aquatic centre."

That's right boys and girls, the smog has actually invaded the aquatic center -- which is an entirely enclosed facility. Seriously, the pollution has actually seeped into the indoor facility.

Evidently, there are no indoor fans which push the smog/soot ("smoot"?) outside the indoor swimming facility. But I'm sure that the amount of pollution is having only a negligible effect on the athletes, right?

"About half of the Australian swim team have respiratory problems and the thin blanket of pollution is a concern with the swimming program starting on Saturday."

I guess it goes without saying that I should never second guess my first instinct. This is going to be an awesome party. They should have changed the Beijing Olympic slogan to "Come for media censorship and human rights abuses, stay for the smoot!"