Patriot Act-opoly

In the latest Monopoly knock-off, "Patriot Act: The Home Version" pokes fun at the historic abuse of governmental powers by the recently renewed anti-terrorism law, according to its creator's website. The object of the game is not to amass the most money or real estate, but to be the last player to retain civil liberties.

Players roll the dice to determine how many civil liberties they start out with, accumulating them from a variety of categories: U.S. citizens get five; non-citizens one. Whites and Asians get five; Arabs one. Ultra right-wingers get six; Democrats three or four.

Other game highlights include:

* Players don't pass "Go." Rather, in a nod to President George W. Bush's prewar comments, the "Go" space has been renamed "Bring It On!" Players also don't go directly to jail. Instead they go to Guantanamo Bay.

* Instead of losing cash for landing on certain squares, they lose civil liberties.

* The Mr. Monopoly character at the center of the board is replaced by a scowling former attorney general John Ashcroft.

* Instead of landing on, say Oriental Avenue, players land on a color-coded spaces corresponding to the national terror alert. A player who lands on a red space loses one civil liberty, as does anyone else within five spaces. A player who lands on an orange space gets to designate another player to lose one civil liberty.

* "Chance" cards are now "Homeland Security Cards," with orders such as, "FBI wants you for questioning; Lose one turn;" and "You provide the local authorities with speculative information on your next door neighbor; Collect one civil liberty from each player."

This game sounds fantastic. I can't wait until I play and I end up being tortured at Guantanamo Bay or subject to unconsitutional spying and/or detention here in the States. Good times.