Happy Friday

Don't ask me how ... but I somehow stumbled across this gem late last night and, after watching it approximately, I can conclusively state that it's the best dog movie I've ever seen. Seriously, if this movie doesn't make you laugh, there is something seriously wrong with you.

Now I will admit that the dogs were treated in a very un-PETA-like way in order to get them to act this way. But if we as a country are willing to look past waterboarding and other inhumane torture, I'm sure we can turn a blind eye to the director's motivational tactics in this film. Besides, the shit is funny.

I'm Off..

... to meet with a prospective employer today. Wish me luck and hope that there are no questions like this during the meeting (warning: it has Richard Pryor in it, so there is some NSFW-ish language):


As an aside, I'm not sure if I should be more surprised that censors allowed this to Saturday Night Live skit to air 30 years ago or that there would be absolutely no way that this would make it on network TV today. Absolutely zero chance.

Goulet!

Sorry for the video post but: (a) while it's generally due to laziness, in this case I'm slammed with work and (b) it's pretty funny if you like Will Ferrell. Take a gander. New content tomorrow, I promise.

Carl Lewis Clearly Not The Baddest Dude Alive

I used to think that Carl Lewis was the baddest dude alive. Until I saw this video of Sébastien Chabal. Chabal, who could double for Rob Zombie's HGH-laddened twin brother, plays flanker and #8 for France's national rugby team, which will be hosting the Rugby World Cup in less than three months.

Chabal, whos's listed at 6'3", 253 lbs, is affectionately referred to in France as "l'homme des cavernes" - "the Caveman." He's also been called the "anaesthetist," which he seems to demonstrate in the first half of the video clip.

I simply call him the baddest dude alive. Step aside Carl, there's a new tough dude wearing a leotard in town. And his name is Sébastien Chabal.

In all seriousness, this dude is bad. There are two hits against the New Zealand All Blacks (which are also full of BAMFers) in this video clip, both of which look very painful. Certainly not for the squeamish or amy anti-violence members of my audience.

Carl Lewis - The Baddest Dude Alive?

I never bought the old "Carl Lewis is gay" conspiracy. Sure he wasn't as macho as other celebrity athletes, but so what. Prince never struck me as the most masculine dude in the world either, but he macked everything that walked.

After all these years of whispers and innuendo, it's pretty safe to say that my opinion has been fully vindicated given this video evidence I unearthed. Now some conspiracy theorists will point to his one-piece unitard, effeminate gestures, and falsetto voice as irrefutable proof of his orientation.

Personally, I think the video proves the exact opposite.

* First, it should be noted that he's the only man working out in a gym with a bunch of women -- hello, this is every straight man's fantasy!

* Second, at the end of the video, Carl is seen being escorted by a white woman into a sauna. What's the old expression - "If this sauna is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!"?

[ N.B. I will be the first to admit that his saunamate is a bit on the mature side, but I'm guessing he has some sort of kinky GILF fetish. Even more macho. ]

* Lastly, and most importantly, no gay man would be caught dead in that horrible outfit. belt? Sweet Jesus, a black unitard with a white workout belt? Gianni Versace would roll over in his motherfucking grave if he saw this fashion statement.

The defense rests. The verdict? Carl Lewis -- Guilty of being a bad-ass motherfucker.

Head's Up (Revisted)

But of course I found a videoclip which pertains to my last post? Did you really doubt my ability to do so? Shame on you ...

Office Worker Gone Wild!

Here's what happens when you combine a small, shared office space with an asshole throwing paper clips. I'm beginning to appreciate my home office more and more each day.

I've been busy this week recovering from last week's trip and getting ready for this weekend's rugby tour in Missoula MT. Last year was a lot of fun, so I'm looking forward to this last tournament. We're headed out tomorrow to play the host team, followed by river rafting, more rugby and perhaps a bit of drinking. Should be a lot of fun. Oh, and then I go to Shit Louis for three days the following week. So I guarantee that there will be some fun travel stories to share when I get back.

Most. Painful. Video. Ever.

-

It's usually painful to watch middle-aged white folks rap or emulate anything having to do with hip-hop culture. This video clip is no different. It's taken from the recent Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner where Karl Rove and a group of other clowns rap, dance and beat box to their little right-wing hearts' content.

Good god where do you begin when analyzing this clip? I honestly don't know what was the most appalling -- there are so many choices:

* Karl Rove warbling "MC Rove!" repeatedly in his horrible, robotic voice. He sounded like Darth Vader after years of smoking unfiltered Marlboros. I'm a grown man, but I doubt I'll sleep soundly tonight after hearing it.

* The beatbox "scratching" by comedian Colin Mochrie (whoever the hell that is) which sounds like a screeching wail of a monkey. At one point, I swear it sounded like people were making random jungle type noises. Awful.

* I cannot even comment about the "dancing" other than to say I would have preferred to have been born blind than having watched it. Twice.

Still, I think my favorite part has to be the token black guy that was assigned to dance in the back (but not talk) in order to legitimize the whole skit. I'm surprised that they didn't ask him to play the spoons. Certainly a proud moment in his life.

Okay, I'm going to go throw up now. Have a nice afternoon.

Bukkake!!!

I love Japanese commercials because they're just so utterly insane. This video for Bukkake milk is no different. The bizareness of the commercial is accentuated by its outstanding translated subtitles:

"Having bright thirsty pain of wonderful desire?"
"Bukkake brand milk!"
"#1 most honorable brand, mammal juice drink!"
"Swallow! The flavor is like a fist!"
"Feline disrespect from behind!"

I don't even know what half of this shit is supposed to mean, but goddamn it's funny.

Cats Attack!

I'm sure many of you have seen the infamous video clip of Pinky the Cat:



But there appears to be a new video clip featuring what appears to be Pinky's equally angry sibling:



You can just tell at the beginning of the video clips that things are going to go horribly wrong. And by "go horribly wrong," I mean "be awesome to watch."

An Open Letter To Laura Bush

Dear Laura Bush:

How big is that stick up your ass?

Warmest Regards,
David James

"I'll Have a McQuaalude with Cheese..."

Check out this groovy video clip. Welcome to the intersection of fast food commercials and acid. From the apple pie trees ... to the thick shake volcanos ... to the french fry plants ... to the hamburger patch ... the whole thing is just fucking bizarre.

BTW, whatever happened to Mayor McCheese? Did they kill him off or what?

(Thanks again to VMD for sending).

Is Your Cat a Pirate?

This video is hilarious, although it might be a bit more accurate to ask "Is your cat a gold prospector?" given the way that the lucky owner sifts through the sand box. I also think that given all she's finding is congealed, sandy clumps of cat urine and excrement, it might be a bit of a stretch to describe it as "treasure."

(Thanks to VMD for sending)

Missouri in a Nutshell

This video pretty much captures the essence of Missouri. Oh, add in the fact that Shit Louis is the murder and STD capital of the United States and, well, you can pretty much guess why my heart goes pitter patter every time I have the privilege to go there.

Sorry I've been derelict in my posting duties - I should be shot. I pray to god/allah/scarlett johansson that I will have a post about my meeting by tomorrow. Hectic, hectic work days have dragged me down recently.

Colbert on Limbaugh

I was livid when the Michael J. Fox-Rush Limbaugh story first came out and couldn't find the proper words to convey my disguest (other than "fuck off and die, Rush Limbaugh"). But I think that Stephen Colbert captured it pretty well, though. Make sure to watch until the very end.



Halloween synopsis to follow later on ....

Is it Election Time, Yet?

You may remember the infamous "Willie Horton" political ad which ran during the 1988 Bush-Dukakis presidential race. In 1974, Horton stabbed and killed a man in Massachusetts and was sentenced to life in prison without parole, and was released on some absurd weekend program that allowed inmates to leave. Instead of returning to prison, Horton raped a woman in Maryland in 1987 and was thrown back in jail. Bush used the case to portray Dukakis as being weak on crime. While African American leaders felt the ad linked crime, murder, and rape to being black, I think that the ad actually does a good job of linking those traits to being a Democrat.

Of course, you know the rest of the story. Bush won, which helped blaze a path for his son G.W. to win 2 consecutive elections on way to becoming "The Worst President Ever."TM

The ad sparked racial controversy at the time but in looking at it again, it doesn't look any worse than some of the recent political ads I've seen. Honestly, is the Willie Horton ad any worse than the recent ad ad about Harold Ford, Jr. (D-Tenn), who's made to look like a terrorist-loving, porn addicted, womanizer of white women? It's jaw droppingly bad:



"Dear 8 lb, 6 oz. Baby Jesus ... please don't allow the Democrats to fuck the midterm election up this year. Amen."

Happy Halloween

Today's "Creepy Video of the Day" is brought to you by the Girls' Costume Warehouse in Hackensack, NJ. I think this may be an actual commercial, but the profanity suggests that it's not. Oh well.

My favorites are sexy mustard and sexy Abe Lincoln.

"A Vote For My Opponent Is a Vote For Vietnamese Prostitutes"

Who would support a politician that would rather "spend money on sex than soldiers?"

Uhhh, I would.

Seriously, this is a pretty funny political ad. Even if you don't give a shit about politics, you have to listen until the very end of the clip when his opponent warbles "I'm Paul R. Nelson and I approve of this message." If that doesn't crack you up, then it's not me, it's you.

Gays in the Military

Hilarious clip from The Daily Show about the horrors of gays in the military. From the introduction ("Even though the military has opened their ranks to the old ... delinquent ... and borderline retarded, they had to draw the line somewhere") to the naked G.I. Joe doll, it's a good watch.

Stay the course, GW. We need a straighter military if we're ever to attain freedom for the world. Or whatever blather you spew these days.

Duhh, It's "Bodygrooming"

Thanks to some down time at work and the Internet, I learned yesterday that the official term is "bodygrooming" not "manscaping."



My bad. Thanks for the correction, Philips.

There's also a tribute video: