Belated Happy Holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas/Boxing Day)

Ugh, it's me. This blog has recently reminded me of the girl you dated for a while and really hit it off. Then you neglected to call for a few days which then became a week, which then became two weeks. And then a month. Do you call her back or simply say "screw it" because it's been so long and now things are really awkward when you call? Will she even answer the phone? What the hell do you say after seven weeks of total radio silence?

"Happy Holidays." ???
"Sorry I've been such an asshole." ???
"Shit, did I really miss your birthday? Guess I owe you another present." ???

Anyway, I'm callin.., uhh, writing to say "Hi. It's been a long time. Sorry I've been delinquent. There's really no excuse. It's not you, it's me. Hope you're still checking to see if I am indeed alive. Will write again soon."

Lazy Sunday

The list of "Things That Creep Me Out" is pretty long and I'm still pretty exhausted from my trip, but I just saw this unusual little play doll that pees vigorously after you feed it liquids.

And by "unusual" I really mean disgusting.



Be back this week with real, live commentary. I promise.

Happy Halloween

... and at the rate I am posting these days, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and so on.

Part of it has been the crush of work which has seen my on 11:00 p.m. conference calls twice this week (thanks!). Part of it's family, hobbies, life and laziness.

But part of it has been due to the fact that there are many political sites out - Huffingtonpost, Daily KOS, ThinkProgress, etc. - there that do a fantastic job and which already echo my sentiment. But since I will be in Finland next week for work and unable to closely follow the election coverage next Tuesday, I thought I would throw in my own early prediction.

To respond to Kate's and others' concerns about jinxing the election, let's face it -- this thing is entirely over. Non-partisan polling is leaning decidedly towards Senator Obama. Obama is a lock in the Northeast (PA, NY, NJ, ME, VT, DE, MD, CT, etc.), the West Coast (CA, OR, WA, HI) and the North Central (IL, IA, WI, MN, MI). Those states alone total 257 electoral votes.

This means that if Obama wins any of the following states, he will win: FL, VA, OH, CO, NV, NM, NC, or MO. And Obama has polling leads in each of those states. He has commanding leads (5%+) in OH, CO, NV, NM and narrow leads in former red states like NC and MO.

Will he win all of them? No. I still believe in the closet racist vote. But there's almost no way for McCain to win/cheat in all of those states.

So if they announce next Tuesday that Obama wins either Florida (2% pt lead) or Virginia (6% pt lead) as is currently expected, then the election will be all but over and we're headed towards a landslide. Even if not, Obama would have to lose the entire "middle" and that seems highly, highly unlikely.

I'm personally predicting a pretty sizable victory for Obama. By my calculations, Obama should end up with around 349 electoral votes -- and upwards of 364 or so if everything breaks his way -- which is more than Truman, Kennedy, Nixon, Carter, or GWB got in their first term elections. Which is pretty amazing with all of the racism and false information being circulated these days. It's been so bad recently, that I decided to take a huge break from it all, so maybe it's a good thing I'll miss things next week. Anyway, get out and vote (although you probably already have) and watch CNN non-stop on my behalf.

It's Over

Yes, I know that we still have 19 days until the election, but the fact is that this race is all but officially over: Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States.

Fivethirtyeight.com has Obama with a 95% winning percentage. With leads in traditional Republican states such as Florida, North Carolina and Virginia, Obama's lead is almost insurmountable at this point in time. McCain has to produce a video of Obama wearing a turban and a "Free Iraq" t-shirt while raping a white woman. Absent that, November 4 looks to be a landslide victory.

Personally, I have a lot of mixed emotions about the election at this point in time. I am *really* excited that the McCain-Palin combo is not going to be leading our government for the next 4-8 years. I am surprised that this country is actually about to elect a person with brown skin president, although it took a highly educated (Republican translation "elitist" and "well spoken") and superior candidate to do so.

At the same time, I am outraged that we've had to deal with stupid, racist shit like this in the campaign:

And let's be honest, I am also a little nervous as to what's going to happen the next four years since Obama has been handed a huge mess by GW to clean up. Seriously, things are fucked up beyond comprehension and no matter what Obama does, it's still likely to be a mess in four years. Don't get me wrong, I but into his leadership and vision and all that, I just know it's going to be a tough road, even more so with opponents eagerly looking to say "I told you so" when even magic pixie dust couldn't make things right.

And at the same time, I'm kind of sad because I will miss stupid shit like this:



Goodbye Sarah Palin. I'm looking forward to never hearing your voice again.

Palin: Being Gay Is A Choice

Despite all the scientific evidence to the contrary, Sarah Palin still believes that homosexuals choose their sexual orientation. In yet another video clip as a result of her recent interview with Katie Couric (as a side note, how long did she interview her for)

Palin: "I have, one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years who happens to be gay."

Translation: "I will now make up a story about a token gay friend. Ewww!"

Palin: "And I love her dearly."

Translation: "And Jesus hates her dearly."

Palin: "And she is not my "gay friend."

Translation: "Now Katie, what is that PC term that folks use to describe female homosexuals? I know I shouldn't use the expression "bull dyke" but it's the only thing I can think of."

Palin: "She is one of my best friends who happens to have made a choice that isn’t a choice that I have made."

Translation: Despite all scientific evidence to the contrary, I believe she chose to be gay. I also believe in talking snakes and that men and dinosaurs roamed the Earth together 6,000 years ago. Now mybe if she were cuter and thinner, she would attract a man that would cure her of her 'choice.' Oh well, I'll pray for her."

Palin: "But I am not gonna judge people."

Translation: "But Jesus will. Prepare to burn in Hell, lesbo."

I also love the part where she says "I don't know what prayers are going to be answered and not answered." Whew, that's a huge relief. Because otherwise you would be some sort of God-like entity, which scares me almost as much as you being president does.

I honestly do not believe a single word that this woman just said. Seriously, I thought "thou shall not lie" was one of the Ten Commandments. Perhaps the Wasilla Bible Church changed that commandment to "thou shall not have butt sex with another man."

Anyway ... the whole "gay choice/screw what science says" approach she employs is so Medieval and outdated. Does she seriously believe that? In his comedy CD "Shut Up You Fucking Baby," David Cross has a great bit where he dispels the scenario where someone would choose to be gay (and later discusses the stereotypical, effeminate "gay" voice. Warning: NSFW language):

McCain Solves Health Care!!

Here's an awesome video of McCain espousing his healthcare solution: turn Wal-Mart into an emergency room. I'm fucking serious .... that's really his suggestion, I am not making this shit up.

Whew, I'm really glad we got the health care crisis all figured out. Perhaps McCain will also suggest that Target become a bank or that Red Lobster start issuing commercial paper. When is that going to happen?

Reason # 461 Why John McCain Is A Total Train Wreck

Despite McCain's own proclamation that he is "not an expert on Wall Street” and “not an expert of some of this stuff” [ Ed. note: what "stuff" is he talking about? Finance? Counting money? Come to think of it, when was the last time Johnny actually checked his bank balance or paid a bill? Insane. ], McCain inserted himself into the Wall Street bailout negotiations (a/k/a "Project Lipstick On The Financial Pig"). Despite having little familiarity with the issues and a shallow understanding of financial markets, McCain was able to broker a deal which brought peace and prosperity throughout the land.

Oh wait, strike that last comment. Instead he sided with House Republicans who opposed the bipartisan efforts to solve the financial crisis by instead offering their own plan involving tax cuts and further deregulation. Brilliant.

Seriously, our economy - which is already in dire straits - is going to be seriously fucked if this guy is elected president. Honestly, this is shaping up to be the most important election of my life time. Dear little 8 lb. 6 oz. little baby Jesus ... please, oh please, do not let this dude win.

"Alask's Proximity to Russia Certainly Does Give Me Foreign Policy Experience"

This video is jawdropping. Katie Couric gave Palin an opportunity to defend her widely ridiculed prior claims that Alaska’s proximity to Russia and Canada provides her with some sort of foreign policy experience. My favorite parts:

- "Our next door neighbors are foreign countries — they’re in the state that I am the executive of." Jesus, she talks like a 15-year old.

- She claims that Putin flies over Alaska which, I guess, suddenly makes her Henry Kissinger. Who knew?

God, please let this nightmare end. I promise to be good (I'll even stop stalking Scarlett Johansson). Just, please make this all go away.

Palin, McCain ... Then Pray For Rain

Over recent weeks, much has been made of the fact that Sarah Palin attended 5 colleges over 6 years. So below is a comparison of the educational backgrounds of what will be out next President and Vice President (thanks to VMD for the source):

Barack Obama:
Occidental College - Two years
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joe Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science
Syracuse University College of Law - J.D.

vs.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 of 899

Sarah Palin (a/k/a Caribou Barbie):
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general studies
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

And just for shits and grins, here's the Libertarian ticket:

Bob Barr:
University of Southern California - B.A.
George Washington University - master's degree in international journalism
Georgetown University - J.D.

Wayne Allyn Root:
Columbia University - B.A. political science (I don't know who is either but found out that he was in the same class as Obama)

So it turns out that Palin only attended 4 different colleges -- not 5 --- over that fateful 6 year period of time. Obama, on the other hand, only went to Occidental for 2 years before he dropped out. And by my count, Obama and Biden went to as many schools (5 different schools) as did McCain and Palin. Magna Cum Laude vs. 894/899? This all really seems like a wash to me.

Punisher? I Barely Know Her!

As further evidence that California courts are not soft on celebrity crime, it was recently announced that actor Thomas Jane plead no contest to drunk driving and speeding after he was caught driving at 120 mph on a California highway. Police stopped the actor twice on Interstate 5 last March for speeding. After a third stop, he was finally arrested for driving while drunk.

The star of acclaimed movies such as "Zack and Reba" and Jonni Nitro" had the book thrown at him as he was sentenced to: (1) one full year of probation (that's like 12 whole months of not fucking up), (2) $1,700 in fines (which is at least 0.000000003% of what he made for "Spider-man 3"), and (3) court-ordered alcohol abuse classes (seriously, do you remember what a drag school was?) Damn, California courts dropped the hammer on you, my man.

Oh, and two other alcohol and drug charges and two speeding tickets were dismissed. So not only are California courts harsh, they're also merciful at the same time. You go judge!

So remember this important lesson you celebrities: if you drive almost twice the legal speed limit while drunk and high, you will ultimately be arrested and made to pay a modest sum of money in order to get out of trouble. Imagine what would have happened to him if he had plead guilty instead of no contest? Seriously celebrities, don't even try to get away with that shit in California.

Hey Jyri, Pass the Reindeer ...

It's been waaaaay too long since my last work-related travel woes blog. I used to write it mostly because I loathed Shit Louis and my utterly insane, bipolar boss. But I thought - "what the hell, I have a 16 travel day to Finland, there has to be something interesting to write about." Seriously, this blog has been shit recently so perhaps a return to a favorite subject matter (i.e., my mystery on a plane) will spark people's interest.

* My Sunday has been a total mess and I end up going straight to the gate and arriving about 5 minutes before my plane starts boarding. No time to grab food but I'm sure that there will be a hearty meal on the plane, right? Sigh ... I know that's unlikely but I can dream, can't I?

* The plane is packed and appears to be comprised mostly of young female exchange students and septuagenarians. Guess who I have the pleasure of sitting next to? That's right, a European Ernest Borgnine in drag.

* The stewardess is wearing a necklace that says "Jazzercise" on it. Really? Is that the current exercise fad in Europe? What, no "Tai Bo" bracelet? Now I would totally understand if she were 13 or mentally diminished or from the outskirts of the Ukraine. But she's American. I'm guessing she's from Houston instead. I'm also guessing she has 13 cats and was too embarrassed to wear wrist charm with the names of all 13 cats. I'm going to go out on a limb here guess that the list of names include Boots, Smokey, Tyrone, and Mr. Gibbs.

* One of the oldsters sitting in front of me keeps trying to reclined her chair so she can lie horizontally. Sorry Madge, but you'll need to spend a few grand more in order to get those fancy reclining seats in business class. So until then, please stop bouncing back and forth like a goddamned hobby horse.

* I totally forgot that I signed up for special lowest meals when I registered. Good news - I managed to avoid the nasty roast beef and manicotti dinners, Bad news - I got a dinner subsisting of 1 oz of chicken, some side of white beans, carrots and tomatoes, and a began cookie. Oh yeah, and a salad consisting of lettuce and a lemon. Seriously, I think I ate 200 calories for dinner.

* I am 6 hours in to my 10 hour flight and I can't sleep. Not good. I start watching some horrible movie starring Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick where she gets pregnant - I think it's called "A Womb With A View" - and it's horrible. I seriously ponder plucking my eyes out.

* The woman sitting next to me has sneezed not less than 20 times. Cue the airborne virus in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

* And the insomnia continues. I somehow manage to stay awake for my entire 10:00-ish hour flight and have arrived at the Frankfurt airport where it's 7:30 a.m. It feels like someone poured Tabasco salt in my eyes. I sleep for another hour or so on the second leg of my flight and make it to Helsinki in one piece. Despite getting about 4 hours of sleep, I don't feel like total hell. The week should be a blur of work, travel and strange foods, but I will try to update this blog before I return next week.

Kiitos!

Bill O'Reilly, Turd Extraordinaire

When Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy was revealed, Bill O’Reilly derided her parents.

“On the pinhead front, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. The sister of Britney says she is shocked. I bet. Now most teens are pinheads in some ways. But here the blame falls primarily on the parents of the girl, who obviously have little control over her or even over Britney Spears. Look at the way she behaves,” O’Reilly declared.

Now O'Reilly is singing a slightly different tune now that it is Vice President-nominee Sarah Palin's teenage daughter that is knocked up:

"Now, the latest thing is that people like me don't condemn Palin's family but we condemn other people who, uh, gave birth out of wedlock. I've never condemned anybody who gave birth out of wedlock. Ever in my life. I don't make those kinds of determinations. What I do say and, this nut Cynthia Tucker in the Atlanta Journal Constitution makes a deal out of this, I said that Britney Spears and what's her sister's name who's pregnant, their parents were irresponsible - Jamie Lee - because they were running around unsupervised."

Huh? He goes on to say:

"Yeah, I said that and I believe it. It has nothing to do with the Palin situation, okay? So, I mean, it just, it really, it makes me angry. I know what's going on. You know what's going on. Uh, and we're going to have to start making some people pay, you know, we're going to have to start to make some people pay because of the irresponsible attacks."

I love how he just turns it around with the "you know what's going on" comment. Nothing ceases me to amaze me anymore when it comes to these freaks, and it's only the beginning of September.

Uhhh, Hi Folks ...

I've been offline for a long time due to a number of reasons (ill parent, Disneyland vacation, work), none of which has to do with the fact that there isn't a *ton* of politic things to comment upon. I missed so much over the past 3 weeks that there's no way to really catch up.

Of course, the Sarah Palin announcement has dominated the headlines recently. Like most people, I have experience an array of emotions: shock, bemusement, disbelief, relief, glee. More than anything else, I am deeply offended that Republicans actually think (or think that we are stupid enough to believe) that she is a surrogate for Hillary Clinton in an effort to reach out to her disgruntled political base. Really? It reminds me when G.H.W. Bush nominated the Clarence Thomas to the U.S. Supreme Court to replace the late Thurgood Marshall. While they were quick to point out that the appointment preserved the existing racial composition of the court ("Hey, look, we got another colore..., uhh, African American judge"), they failed to point out that Thomas was undistinguished and thought to be unqualified for the job, and an ideological opposite of the legendary Marshall.

Palin is no Hillary. Not by a fucking longshot. The fact that Republicans are trying to proffer this political trainwreck as a replacement for Clinton is insulting. It's also a political "fuck you" to all the other qualified Republican politicians who are far more qualified than Palin.

I imagine that the Republican VP selection team process went a little something like this:

Staffer: "Okay, let's run through your potential running mates."
McCain: "I want a cookie."
Staffer: "We'll get you that right away, sir, but first the candidates."
McCain: "I was a POW in the Hanoi Hilton."
Staffer: "I am well aware, sir. Let's save that for the speech."
McCain:
Staffer (ignoring McCain): "Okay, candidate #1 is 4 term senator with substantial economic and foreign policy experience and who has a track recor ..."
McCain: "Next."
Staffer: "Alrighty, candidate #2 is a popular governor of a major swing state who has very high approval ratings and who..."
McCain: "Yawn."
Staffer: "Uhh, the third candidate is a former beauty queen but has limited .."
McCain: "Ding, ding, ding .... we have a winner!"

It's not McCain, it's you ....

Lunch With the Spears Family

Those of you that know me, know that I can be somewhat risk averse. For example, I've never gone sky diving or bungee jumping. I'm also not a huge gambler. (As an aside, I've never even been to Las Vegas, which people in California think is entirely insane).

Nevertheless, I would have taken everything that I own -- my house, my Prius, and my savings -- and wagered it all on the fact that Cheetos was one of the major staples of Britney Spears' family diet. Now I wouldn't be so bold as to try to predict which Cheeto type they regularly eat.

"I wonder, do they prefer original Cheetos or are they fans of the Flaming Cheetos?" (which are, as an aside, fucking awful)."

But there was no absolutely no doubt in my mind that she and her children were regular consumers of Cheetos.

And, thanks to "OK" magazine (what a dumb name), my firmly held beliefs were proven true. This photo is fantastic. You have to love the fact that the bag of Cheetos is prominently placed at the center of the table, just like a Thanksgiving turkey. She probably believes that Sunkist "orange drink" is the same as "fruit juice." The only thing which is even mildly surprising is that one of her handlers didn't have the common sense to at least make an effort to hide them off to the side.

Next proposition bet: will the Spears kids collectively weigh over or under 500 lbs when they youngest one turns 18. I'm taking the over. And yes, I am an asshole.

538

Contrary to logic, John McCain is making this election waaay closer than it should be. Seriously, are we really going to elect the seventy-something candidate that doesn't use a computer or the Internet? Thinking about that distinct possibility seriously makes my head hurt. The only thing which helps me sleep easy at night is the fact the latest election forecast, which predicts that Obama has a 63.5% chance of winning, based on the latest polling numbers.

This comes courtesy of my new favorite political website -- 538 -- which accumulates and analyzes polling and political data in order to provide an objective, statistical assessment of the likely outcome of upcoming elections.

Now, of course, this all goes out the window if some "love baby" pops out of nowhere for Obama (well, it's generally known where a love baby would pop out of, I meant more in the unforeseen sense). I also wouldn't put it past McCain and the RNC to do whatever it takes win, so I am bracing myself for an updated version of the awfulsome Willie Horton commercial, which should be airing any day now. There's a 36.5% chance that they will win while there's a 100% chance that they will pull out all the stops to do so.

Me Smog You Long Time!

Despite my demanding semi-weekly blogging schedule, I still take time self-reflection every day and ponder my reasons for living. (Translation: I have an hour commute every morning and evening, am utterly bored with my music collection and local radio, and end up talking to myself like a crazy, semi-coherent homeless person.)

And it was during one of these moments of quiet reflection that I realized that I was perhaps being a little too harsh last week when I noted last week that Beijing is not what I would call the cleanest of cities. In hindsight, I worried that the nicknames I associated with Beijing (such as "Pigpen" and "Filthier Houston") were potentially hurtful and inaccurate. Maybe the pollution issue had been resolved by temporarily removing cars and halting manufacturing. Perhaps, I thought, I may have truly exaggerated the pollution problem.

That was until today, when I read the following article which suggested that there still might be a few issues with Beijing's air quality.

"Australian head coach Alan Thompson is searching for answers regarding the apparent pollution that has settled over the Olympic pool. The national team graced the Water Cube for the first time yesterday evening only to find the smog that has blanketed Beijing infiltrating the space-age aquatic centre."

That's right boys and girls, the smog has actually invaded the aquatic center -- which is an entirely enclosed facility. Seriously, the pollution has actually seeped into the indoor facility.

Evidently, there are no indoor fans which push the smog/soot ("smoot"?) outside the indoor swimming facility. But I'm sure that the amount of pollution is having only a negligible effect on the athletes, right?

"About half of the Australian swim team have respiratory problems and the thin blanket of pollution is a concern with the swimming program starting on Saturday."

I guess it goes without saying that I should never second guess my first instinct. This is going to be an awesome party. They should have changed the Beijing Olympic slogan to "Come for media censorship and human rights abuses, stay for the smoot!"

The Dark Night Review

So last night I became what was probably the 30 millionth person to see The Dark Knight, which was very, very good. Like everyone else, I thought Heath Ledger was amazing and shoe-in to garner award accolades. The Dark Knight is a great comic adaption, very dark and much more complex than your average comic-based movie.

Now I know it's a movie that is based on a comic book, so I accept the fact that I have to suspend disbelief and accept a few plot holes and goofs in the movie. And while I really enjoyed the movie, I am not sure it lives up to its Titantic-sized hype.

For example, IMDB has this as the highest rated film of all time. Now it was a fun movie, but seriously, the best of all time? Hello, have people already forgotten about Maid in Manhattan and Short Circuit 2? What is wrong with you people?

Other issues I had with the movie:

* I enjoyed the movie, but it was way too long. You could have easily cut out 20 minutes and tightened up the film. Of course, I might have already been fatigued by the seven (!) movie previews and six (!!) commercials beforehand.

* Maggie Gyllenhaall as the female love interest still didn't do it for me. Sure she was an improvement over Katie Holmes, but was Scarlett Johansson unavailable for the movie? However, if they rewrote the script so that the Rachel Dawes character gets attached by a bear, then I would have preferred that Paris Hilton be cast in the role.

* There were a bunch of small things that annoyed me. First, the mayor's eyes looked like he was wearing eye liner. I swear to God. It’s all I could focus on when he was on the screen. Also, Christian Bale’s voice when he was dressed as Batman bugged the shit out of me. And since when did Batman's costume go from tights and a cape to body armor? Hello, I liked it more last time when they called it “Iron Man” (which I actually liked more than the “Dark Knight”).

* At the end of the movie, the Joker protects himself using dogs. Dogs, really? Is that really supposed to stop anyone? Jesus, he’s Batman, not a postal employee. Batman fought ninjas in the first movie without any weapons and did just fine but now he can’t defend himself against three dogs.

* I sat in the 3rd row after showing up only 30 minutes early and there were a couple of scenes where I thought I was going to go insane trying to keep track what was going on. I realize that's my problem and not the movie's but still. Two weeks later and it’s still selling out on a Tuesday night. Insane.

Overall, it was a very good movie but I must say that if you take Heath Ledger out of it, it’s about the same as the first movie which was good but not great. Although if you replaced him with Cameron Diaz, I'm not certain I would notice the difference, physically speaking.

Ode to a Celebrity's Father

Mike Myers' indicated that his recent movie The Love Guru is a tribute to his late father. His father Eric died in 1991 following a long battle with Alzheimer's disease. The comedian admits he was so devastated by the loss he embarked on a journey of self-discovery to help him cope. And it was during this time in his life that he was inspired to create the character of "The Guru."

Myers explains, "I was devastated by his death. When my father died, I went on a little spiritual quest, just to try and make sense of it all. And, in many ways, The Love Guru is honoring him by dealing with his loss, because making silly movies is how I deal with things."

You know, I really hope that when I die, my son will be so moved to write, produce and act in such a jaw-droppingly bad awful movie. "Hey dad, I loved you so much that I made this turd of a movie to remember you by!" Jessica Alba could be riding around nude on a pegasus and I still wouldn't have any desire to see the film. Seriously, I would rather watch a video of my own prostate exam than watch this movie. But then again, it would help explain his other awful tribute films as "The Cat in the Hat," "Shrek the Third" and "Wayne's World 2."

Big Trouble, Dirty China

In addition to being a political junkie (despite the absence of postings during the heat of the election), I am also a big Olympics addict, specifically, track and field which has been one of my favorite sports since high school. No one in the states seems to enjoy the sport (similar to rugby) until it's time for the Olympics. I've watched the Olympics for as long as I can remember, certainly going back to the days when McDonald's ran its Olympic price contests ("What's that, we won another gold medal in swimming? Hello free medium sized french fries.").

And this year, I plan on watching every minute of the Olympics yet again. Or at least I was planning on watching every minute of it until I saw this photo and noticed that there was a slight visual problem in Beijing:



Jesus Christ, look at the thick blanket of soot overlaying the city. It looks like it was taken in a chimney. Are they mining coal right next to the stadium or what?

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Beijing City officials have confidently predicted that air quality will be good for the Games. Drastic efforts to curb pollution include pulling half of Beijing's 3.3 million vehicles off the roads, closing factories in the city and in a half dozen surrounding provinces, and halting most construction in the capital.

That didn't quite improve things and so, starting July 1, Beijing banned approximately 300,000 heavily polluting vehicles, such as aging industrial trucks.

Fantastic idea. However, today's picture make it appear that someone dumped a million tons of charcoal ash on the city.

So today Chinese state media reported that drastic measures - such as pulling more cars from the roads and shutting down additional factories - could be taken if the air quality does not improve. Jacques Rogge, president of the IOC, has warned that outdoor endurance events will be postponed if the air quality is poor.

This is fucking brilliant. The Olympics are 11 days away and officials are basically casting all their hopes on a shutdown of all machinery in the city. I'm surprised that they aren't doing something high tech, like employing the efforts of a wind Shaman or buying a ton of electric fans.

Seriously, it's not like this is a huge surprise. Everyone has known that Beijing has huge pollution issues. It's like letting Britney Spears babysit your kid off and being surprised when he comes home smelling like Marlboro's and Cheetos. Enough with the mock surprise here folks.

Oh wait, this just in ... Olympic officials are alarmed at the number of people in Beijing. "Seriously, there are a shitload of people living here. We had no idea when we awarded them the games,' said one official on the condition of anonymity.

"Don't Hope For A Better Life"

Who am I kidding, i fucking love politics. Especially when you are gifted with such fantastic content such as this awesome biographical about John McCain.

Voiceover: "It was a time of uncertainty, hope and change. The summer of love. Half a world away, another kind of love .... of Country."
Translation: "While all the filthy, hippy communists such as Obama were getting stoned and enjoying free-love Woodstock, McCain made decided to serve his country by going to Vietnam and being tortured endlessly."

Voiceover: "... an American, a maverick."
Translation: "A true maverick, like the kind of person that refuses to use a computer or the Internet." (oh wait, perhaps that should be "nutjob").

Voiceover: “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear.”
Translation: "We will never, ever exit Iraq during our lifetimes. Don't even think about it."

Voiceover: “Don’t hope for a better life.”
Translation: "Fuck hope."

Simply awesome. The only thing that would make this better is if he could somehow reincarnate Jesse Helms and make him his running mate.

P.S. Did anyone notice that Jesse Helms died on the fourth of July? How did I miss this? Oh well, rot in Hell Jesse.

BONUS: Check out the armpit sweat stains at 0:18 of the clip. Jesus Christ my man, did you run a marathon before filming that or what?