Head's Up!

In the latest "man gets incurable erection" story of the day, a New York man has sued the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG -- the maker of the health drink "Boost Plus" -- claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized. Novartis' "Boost Plus" website describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume," in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.

Side note #1 - What's this? A sports drink that's both chocolatey and boner-riffic? Sign me up!

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Side note #2 - For those that glossed over it, the guy's last name is "Woods" - how fitting is that? Honestly, you could make up a name like "Stiffy Johnson" or "Dick Pole" and it still wouldn't be as good as the real thing.

Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.

Side note #3 - Now I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure that the treatment for morning wood is masturbation. But no, this guy went with the non-standard treatment instead of the obvious cure...

They say Woods, 29, underwent surgery for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

Side note #4 - If any of the medical staff had any sense of humor at all, they really should have some fun with it and renamed it a "Weiner shunt."

The lawsuit, filed late Monday, says Woods later had problems that required a hospital visit and penile artery embolization, a way of closing blood vessels. Closing off some blood flow prevents engorgement and lessens the likelihood of an erection.

Side note #5 - Dear lord in heaven, this whole procedure sounds horrible. Unless Scarlett Johansson is implanting the shunt with her mouth, there is no way in hell I would ever agree this procedure. I would sooner agree to implanting a shunt in my eye than my johnson.