Pat Robertson -- Leg Pressing For God

In the latest “News of the Fictitious,” Pat Robertson recently announced that he can leg press 2,000 lbs. and even posted a video demonstrating his implausible leg strength.

Pat posted on his 100% accurate CBN website he can leg press up to one ton of weight with the help of an unnamed quack doctor. I quote:

"Pat Robertson worked out at the gym on an incline leg press machine with weights up to 570 pounds. Working with his physician, who was an amazing strength trainer, he worked up to 800 pounds, then 1,000 pounds. Then one day he was able to leg press 1,500 pounds one time. Then over the succeeding months, he trained with multiple reps of 1,200 pounds, 1,300 pounds, and 1,400 pounds.

One Saturday morning, his physician said, “I’ll get you bragging rights. Let’s go to 2,000 pounds.” Then he worked up multiple reps of 1,400 pounds, 1,500 pounds, 1,600 pounds, 1,700, pounds, 1,800 pounds and 1,900 pounds. When 2,000 pounds was put on the machine two men got on either side and helped push the load up, and then let it down on Mr. Robertson, who pushed it up one rep and let it go back down again.

Mr. Robertson warms up now at 500 pounds, and was shown on television with Kristi Watts doing 1000 pounds."

Now since this is Celebrity Wellness WeekTM and I am fascinated (some would say obsessed) with Pat Robertson, there is no way that I could let this news pass without some sort of commentary.

Now let’s get to the obvious. My first thought was “There is NO fucking way that Pat Robertson could legitimately leg press 2,000 lbs. We’re talking about a fucking ton. That’s equal to one Mazda Miata … or eight Star Jones. This is utter bullshit.”

Not to toot my own horn, but I am pretty strong and have big tree trunk type legs, so I have a hard time believing that some dude who’s almost twice my age can lift more than me. Hearing Pat’s claims reminds me of the time when my old 50-ish year old manager at Qwest offered me unsolicited workout advice. Uhh, thanks again Hopkins.

My disbelief was shared by many others, including Clay Travis of CBS SportsLine.com who called the 2,000-pound assertion impossible in a column this past week> Travis wrote that the leg-press record for football players at Florida State University is 1,335 lbs, which is 665 pounds less than Robertson’s claim. Andy Zucker, a strength-training coach at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, said leg presses of more than 1,000 pounds represent "a Herculean effort, and 2,000 pounds is a whole other story."

But then I watched the video, which was both captivating and enlightening:



Now granted, it was only 1,0000 lbs. But still, it’s clear that that I (and others) owe Pat a big apology for questioning his leg strength and doubting his leg pressing aptitude.

But before I so apologize, I have a few observations about the video:

* Near the beginning of the video, Pat claims not to have worked legs for months but for some reason he’s inspired to load it up and just go for it. Wow! Imagine if he trained his legs regularly!

* Now at first glance, it appears that he’s barely moving the weight more than a few inches. And upon closer inspection, it … well, still appears like he’s barely moving the weight more than a few inches. So at least there’s no funny camera tricks going on here.

* You will also notice that Pat never releases the safety latches (and thereby allow the let the weight actually lower farther than 4 inches) and that he’s using his hands the hold time to steady his legs. What a pussy. Seriously, Pat, if you have faith in Jesus, I’m sure that he will spot you and keep the weight from crushing your legs and thereby crippling you. Of course, I’m hoping that that will actually happen to you.

* Where the hell did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? The leg press machine at my gym only holds about 900 lbs., so whatever crazy contraption Robertson is working on has to be extremely hazardous. Having unprotected sex with Charlie Sheen has to be safer than working out on that machine.

* I’ve not seen Pat’s 2,000 lb. leg press, but I imagine that there are rockets or shock absorbers in it which assist with the weight. Either that or Pat prays to God, who somehow halts the laws of gravity until Robertson can finish his set. This strikes me as plausible because God strikes me as a big fan of power lifting.

After watching this, I still don’t know what the purpose is of this whole thing. To pimp his patented “power shake” that he markets on the CBN website? He…, uhhh, I mean God couldn’t possible need any more money. Was it to point out how utterly ridiculous and conceited Robertson is? If so, they’re already preaching to the choir on that one.

And yet, I have a hard time that Pat would lie about anything. Well, anything except for anything to do with religion and politics.

So the only thing I can conclude is that Pat is a huge fan of this blog and wanted to be recognized during this inaugural Celebrity Wellness WeekTM by leg pressing for Jesus.

Either that, or he’s just a completely insane, narcisstic freak that can’t help resist the urge to be in the limelight. You know, that could be it.

Tomorrow’s post - Ben Affleck should never play rugby.