One of the more sordid rumors that made its rounds on the Internet was that Benicio Del Toro had somehow managed to boink Scarlett Johansson in an elevator. Ms. Johansson flatly denied the rumor (thank godness), as I'm presuming she's remaining a virgin for our wedding night.
But assuming Hell froze over and that it did in fact happen, I think that the below videclip is a fairly accurate reenactment of the alleged elevator tryst, except substituting myself for that gila monster. Remember, were talking about an alevator here, people, so time is of the essence.
And it's in Japanese as my tribute to her breakout role in "Lost in Translation." Enjoy.
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