Dear Melanie:Good god, what have you done to yourself? I admit I was never your biggest fan, but I thought you were cute in “Working Girl” and not totally insane. But then you went and discovered collagen, botox and breast implants and made yourself unrecognizable. After years of drugs and other self-abuse (i.e., plastic surgery) and this recent picture shows what all that effort produced. Holy shit. Time to lay off the plastic surgery and drugs, honey, and take care of yourself. Having “Antonio” tattooed on your arm doesn’t guarantee that he won’t wake up some morning and run away screaming after suddenly realizing that you’ve been transmogrified into a medusa.
Shallowly Yours,
David James
N.B. I am traveling tomorrow to D.C. for my semi-annual sabbatical from California, so I ill not be posting/online much. A detailed summary of my trip (minus any drunken stories or other embarrassing personal happenings) will appear shortly.
6 comments:
I'll tell everyone all the drunken stories (That I remember)
That's an idle threat if I ever heard one. So long as there are no cameras (ahem), we should be just fine.
Wow, poor Melanie. She's best described as a science experiment gone wrong. You can't blame her. She lives in a cruel world where women are valued for big tits and eternal youth. Someday your progeny will be posting a picture of Scarlett and saying the same thing. *sigh*
Fortunately, we don't live in Melanie's world. We live in a world where people share all their drunken stories. Those you can't remember you can certainly invent. Have a good time gentlemen.
If I have a camera to take crappy pictures of my food and crockpot, you know I have one for this trip.
Holy crap. Is that really her?
Derek - cameras, uhh no thanks. No need for evidence. No one wants to see that.
Smarty - yes, that is her. Yes, she looks like hell. Yes, I anticipate that more surgery is on the horizon.
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