Happy Cinco de Mayo, ninos y ninas! It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a new post. Oh wait, you're telling me it's Monday? Jesus, I am horrible at keeping track of time these days. So in today's "News of the Awful," it was announced that Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds had just gotten engaged over the weekend. Reynolds is a slight upgrade over Josh Hartnett in that he isn't quite so squinty and disheveled. For Reynolds, this represents a massive upgrade over his last fiancee, Alanis Morissette. Hey Ryan, can you choose my next Powerball lottery numbers for me?
Normally, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to type such tragic news, but I figure that his washboard abs and a pearly-white teeth will get old after a while, and then the charm of my ..., uhhh, not so washboard abs and less-than-perfect teeth will woo her over. Ugh, never mind. I'm going to go drink now.
2 comments:
I think you can rest fairly assured this will not come to pass.
Which part? That part about Ryan providing me with winning Powerball numbers or the part about Scarlett coming to her senses? Because if it's the part about drinking, you can rest most assured that will happen. You can bank on it or my name isn't David James.
Well, it is sorta. But you get the drift.
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