Happy belated Halloween. Given my sweet tooth, it's really convenient that I have a six and a four year old that also happen to have a penchant for candy. So how great is it that the powers that be created Halloween (a/k/a "Beg For Candy Day")? A quick rundown of the evening's events. Photos to hopefully follow later.
4:20 - I leave work early (shhh!) and change into my handy doctor's costume. This is the same outfit that I wore to the rugby tournament in Missoula, MT and which I actually played rugby in during our last game of the tournament. Suffice it to say, it's seen better days.
4:30 - Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, Mr. Incredible and Dr. Strangelove hit the streets in search of candy.
4:35 - I just consumed my first piece of Halloween candy eaten (Tootsie Pop for those of you keeping score at home).
4:42 - First bag of M&Ms is gone. Jesus, I need to slow down but right now I have the willpower of Courtney Love in a pharmacy.
5:16 - We visit one of the neighbors who opens the door half-dressed. "You're five minutes early" she says as she's trying to pull up the top of her costume. Evidently so.
5:25 - The kids are finally getting the hang of it. They're no longer dawdling on the porch, admiring the decorations or taking an inventory of the candy they just received. I think the "more houses = more candy" equation is starting to settle in.
5:32 - Some crabby neighbor says "where's your trick?" While technically accurate, this phrase hasn't been uttered since the Nixon administration. I quickly search for a rock to throw threw her window as her trick.
5:53 - I just polished off the first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of the evening. The over/under is 6. Which is soon followed by ...
5:55 - ... the first Almond Joy of the evening. Goddamn, I have to tape my mouth shut soon.
6:02 - We stop briefly to get some jackets. My back is turned for about 60 seconds when Olivia makes her first wardrobe change of the evening and exits her bedrooms dressed like Snow White. Jesus, that was fast. I don't think Madonna changes clothes that fast at her concerts.
(Editor's note - this was, in fact, her third outfit of the day. Earlier she was dressed as "Arial" in her school's parade. I'm not making this up.)
6:10 - 6:30 - We jump in the car and drive to a different neighborhood to meet up with friends but arrive too late. Oh well, I'm sure we can figure this out on our own.
6:31 - Snow White awakens from her nap.
6:37 - Someone is dressed up as a hobo. Oh wait, that's a homeless person. Never mind.
6:40 - We visit one house where a young woman dressed like a pirate answers the door drinking a glass of wine. Now we're talking. I'm thinking that somewhere there's a trick-or-treating route for adults which involved alcohol and female pirates. I'll have to research that.
6:44 - The kids go up to a house and as the women hands out the plate, my son says loudly "I hate raisins." I am mortified. That being said, raisins are near the bottom of the Halloween Candy Rating Scale:
* Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
* Snickers
* M&Ms
* Twix
* Baby Ruth
* Mounds/Almond Joy
* Herschey's Kisses
* (Insert any other candy I overlooked)
* Raisins
* Loose Candy Corn (seriously, who gives out loose candy these days?)
* Razor Blade Apples
Seriously, raisins are right above bible tracts that people will hand out which warn about the origins and dangers of Halloween. Ack.
6:53 - I actually see someone dressed like a hobo, which is awesome. That costume seemed to die for some reason, but it's great. Enough with the pirates already. More hobos!
7:15 - I gulp down another pack of M&Ms like it's air. Estimated treadmill deficit so far - 41 minutes.
7:30 - What's up with older kids trick-or-treating? I remember doing it when I was like 12, but I swear I just saw someone that had to be 24. Isn't there a cutoff age these days?
7:36 - The kids are getting tired and picky, as one of them politely requests "Do you have any M&Ms?" Jesus Christ, kids, this isn't Walgreens. Time to wrap things up.
7:40 - The evening is over and we head back to the car.
It was actually a really fun time, the weather was good and the kids ended up with a great candy haul. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to explain why those four Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are missing.
5 comments:
This is a very cute Halloween recap. Did you really have all that candy though? Sounds like more than 4 cups are missing..
Oh, there were more than 4 total pieces of candy missing. I intentionally avoided preparing an inventory of the candy consumed so as to avoid looking entirely like a pig.
I like the "ghost mysteriously took them" angle. It's much better than explaing the concept of a "candy tax" to young children.
A vote for Dems is a vote for candy tax.
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