Separated at Birth - Janet Jackson

And in this corner we have Janet Jackson (Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty):


... and in the other corner, we have Senor Wences (s'allright? s'allright!):



Sweet lord in heaven, Janet, what the hell have you done to your hair? If you were aiming for the superbangs-mop combination wig look, you certainly found it. And despite the crazy hairstyle, she's still probably gets my vote as the sanest one of the Jackson Family. Good god, I can't believe I typed that. I think I need a drink now.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Here it is boys and girls, my last work trip to St. Louis. Actually, I can say my last trip to Missouri ever because, having seen there multiple times, there's no way I would ever voluntarily go back and visit. I would charitably describe the state as an armpit. But what does St. Louis have to do with Torcher the lion dog? I have no idea. But he looks as bewildered as I will look happy when I get on the return flight to California on Tuesday. Fifteen days to resignation day.

Yesterday was Saturday. And Saturday is a rugby day. And with rugby days, bring injuries. The injury d'jour is my eye, which I managed to smash onto some guy's knee while I was kneeling on the ground. Silly me. The eye is swollen but the double vision has subsided. Still, I imagine that my eye is in way better shape than his knee. Should be fun times when the cabin pressure makes my eye swell up like a balloon. Can't wait.

Tales of my St. Louis follies to follow...

Obama Takes Wisconsin and Hawaii

Yesterday was more good news for Obama, who won both the Wisconsin Democratic primary and the Hawaii caucuses last night, extending his winning streak to ten consecutive contests and dealing another significant blow to Clinton, whose candidacy now hangs on the outcome in Ohio and Texas. She's lost two of her key aids and is struggling to find her voice and regain momentum. Some have suggested that, for all intents and purposes, this race is over. Pundits have suggested that it's inevitable she go with negative attack ads, but she doesn't want to further increase her own negative approval rating as she could easily be the next Senate majority leader or potentially the nominee in 2012.

If Ohio and Texas do not go extremely well for her, at what point in time does she accept this and move on for the sake of unity and in the spirit of winning in November. I like both candidates, but the last thing I want to see is the two of them tearing each other down and depleting their campaign funds during the primary process. This election is for all the marbles, boys and girls. Let's hope the Dems don't screw it up again (see, 2000 and 2004).

The Perv of Wales (Revisited)

"Ms. Johannson, meet Sir Charles, the Perv of Wales."

"Sir Charles, meet Scarlett Johannson's boobs."

Here's The Deal

So I said I would post over the weekend -- and then, as always, I let down my readership (which is a cool term and implies that there are more than, say, six people reading this thing). No surprise there for those that have known me over the years. I am blond and from California, which makes me both dizzy and flaky, I guess.

Anyway, so here's the deal with the new job. I just accepted a position working for a large Scandinavian mobile devices company (whose name rhymes with "Mokia") supporting their research scientists and engineering groups. I know it sounds boring, but it's actually very cool, innovative product work that I would be working on (goodbye sales channel) and the people I've met with all seem very nice, normal and bright. I know, a stark contrast from my current situation where many of the people I work with couldn't spell "cat" if I spotted them the C and the A. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration but folks are definitely not splitting atoms at my company.

Anyway, I'm going to work on totally different projects, for a normal, respected company, and will even get to do some international travel. Next month I will go to Finland for two weeks, the dates I am still working on in order to make the annual New York birthday drunkfes ..., uhh, trip.

So the blog will change somewhat, as I won't be able to provide inane reports about my raving asshole boss, nor my thrilling sojourns to St. Louis. Goodbye Shit Louis, hello freezing Scandinavian country with 6 hours of sunlight in the winter. I'll still have crazy travel stories, but they'll involve people with funny accents and wooden shoes (that is Finland, right?).

By the way, enjoy this post while it lasts. I'm hesitant to discuss my new job, partly due to my innate paranoia that my bipolar boss will find out and fire me before my annual bonus is paid out (only 23 more days until March 14!) and partly due to my own equally irrational fear that I will somehow jinx things or wake up from my dream. But given that I met with them again today, saw where my office would be, ordered my computer and fancy new phone, I'm guessing that I only thing I really have to worry about is the BPB finding out and immediately firing me. I *know* the chance of that are remote, but he would totally do it if he found out. And if it did happen, the odds would be just as good that I would immediately fly to STL with a blowtorch and some pliers in order to go medieval on someone's ass. So let's just hope that doesn't happen so it doesn't put an unsightly blotch on my background check.

February 14th Day

Today is a very special day, because it marks the 30 day countdown to the day that (1) I receive my annual bonus, and (2) I get to notify my company my bipolar boss that I am no longer working for his insane ass. Oh, and it's Valentine's Day, too. Happy Valentine's Day, kiddies!

Yes We Can

You might have already seen Black Eyed Peas' frontman Will.i.am's video based on Barack Obama's "Yes We Can" speech. Directed by Bob Dylan's son, the video also includes Scarlett Johansson, John Legend, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Common, Herbie Hancock, Tatyana Ali and others as they recite and sing lines from Obama's New Hampshire primary speech over top of the Senator's original delivery, as seen on split screen. It's a bit corny, but I thought it was pretty cool and original nonetheless:



That is, I used to think it was cool and original .... until I saw that he blatantly ripped off the original version from John McCain:



Jesus christ, I honestly don't know how Will.i.am sleeps at night given such outright theft and plagarism. They should call his group the "Black Eyed Thieves!"

McCain/Huckabee 08-- they’re original, not to mention compassionate conservatives!

Potomac Primary

Today voters in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia will vote in the region's much-anticipated "Potomac Primary," which is turning into one of the most closely contested presidential races ever. Clinton has a slim delegate lead while Obama has the overall state lead (19-13).

Obama is favored to sweep the vote on Tuesday which will leave him in a virtual dead heat with Clinton. March 4 will be the next big primary date, where voters in Texas and Ohio will cast their votes. Like many Democrats, I've been really divided over the candidates. I mean, once Dodd dropped out, what was the point?

Obviously, I would prefer either candidate over GW fuckwit, but at this point I lean towards Obama, although it's admittedly for intangible descriptors like "hope," "charisma" and "leadership." I also think that Clinton is unelectable, as she would be a lightening rod for the Conservative Right and perceived as a divisive candidate whose moderate record is eerily similar to McCain's. And we saw what happened when "moderate Al Gore" ran against "moderate GWB." Hello eight years of misery.

But if I'm honest with myself, he's really not experienced enough to be president -- he has eight years experience in the Illinois Senate and only two years in the U.S. Senate. And if I'm further honest with myself, I really worry that many voters in this country are still backwards enough to vote for McCain because of his skin color (i.e., pasty white). But I'm getting ahead of myself, there's a nomination to earn first and he's barely half way there.

Ash-tastic Wednesday

So today starts the first day of Lent. By now you know I'm not overly religious (unless by "overly religious," you mean "crazy atheistic"). But I did go to Catholic school for four years and am aware that there are 40 days of Lent follow Fat Tuesday. Now I've heard stories of what my devout (and not so devout) Catholic friends have given up for Lent - alcohol, sugar, etc.

And while I'm not overly Catholic (see above definition), I am pretty strong-willed and believe I could give up almost anything for 40 days. However, my inspiration for such would be in the form of a wager -- not some sort of divine penance.

Alcohol? Television? Junk food? Not a problem.

But despite my braggadocio, there are definitely a few things that I wouldn't be able to give up for 40 days:

1) Caffeine. I've tried it a couple of times and the closest I've been able to get is to give up coffee but not sodas (or vice versa). The first time I tried it I was moving in slow motion, like I was swimming in a sea of honey, and my head felt like it was full of wool. I would sooner give up breathing for 40 days than give up caffeine cold turkey.

2) YouTube. I'm not going to lie, my work productivity would probably be markedly improved if I had no access to YouTube. But then I would have less filler for this blog and I wouldn't be able to post great finds such as this:



3) Meat and Dairy. So I was working out at my insane gym the other night when I spotted a guy with a long ponytail wearing a white t-shirt with a hand-drawn message "Eat Vegan: Ask Me Why?." He was also sporting a "Meat is Murder" button which I found ironic since he was wearing leather shoes. Putting aside his tool-like hypocrisy, I asked myself the question "Could I give up all meat and dairy for thirty days?" and the answer was a resounding "no fucking way." Seriously, 96% of my diet probably falls within the broad category of meat and dairy. What's let? Legumes and tofu? Hmmm, I wonder what the best way is to prepare barley?

4) Britney Spears. Look, it's not like I want to learn anything more about America's favorite celebrity trainwreck, it's simply that you can't surf the Internet without seeing reading about her. Seriously, I dare folks to try. So unless I'm going to give up the Internet for 40 days, this one is simply unavoidable.

Let me know what's on your "oh hell no" list.

Arlen Specter, Thy Name is Asshole

When it comes to national affairs, there are important matters for Congress. Like getting the hell out of Iraq. Like balancing the budget and reducing our insane debt.

And then there are REALLY important matters for Congress.

Like maintaining the integrity of professional football.

This past Friday, Senator Arlen Specter called on the NFL to explain why it destroyed evidence from the New England Patriots about a cheating scandal involving the surreptitious taping of other teams.

Specter, the top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, said the matter could put the league's antitrust exemption at risk. "Their antitrust exemption has been on my mind for a long time," he said in a Capitol Hill news conference Friday.

And while the CIA's destruction of interrogation tapes is a far more alarming and important issue, Specter instead chooses to focus on the NFL issue. "I do believe that it is a matter of importance. It's not going to displace the stimulus package or the Iraq war, but I think the integrity of football is very important, and I think the National Football League has a special duty to the American people -- and further the Congress -- because they have an antitrust exemption."

Give Specter credit for being able to distinguish between the impending national recession and the Iraq war and a sport. Well done, Arlen, for being able to differentiate between night and day.

Specter went on to overreach the relevance of Congressional involvement by saying, "I don't think you have to have a law broken to have a legitimate interest by the Congress on the integrity of the game. … What if there was something on the tapes we might want to be subpoenaed, for example? You can't destroy it. That would be obstruction of justice."

As noted previously, Specter evidently has a huge hard-on for getting into the shorts of the NFL. Sure, I would rather them waste time focusing on professional sports than, say, wasting billions of dollars "securing our borders" from the illegal immigrants. But, fuck, let's get our priorities straight here. Of course, if Specter is deluded enough to co-author the controversial and implausible Warren Commission report ("Single bullet, fuck yeah!"), then he's liable to believe that unicorns are ticketing his car. Who knows.

Super Tuesday

Well, this is it boys and girls. Today votes in California, New York, Illinois, Colorado (what's up Denver?) and other states will cast their vote for the Democratic presidential nominee. Democrat delegates are won in proportion to a candidate's percentage of the vote, which will make it difficult for Hillary or Barack to pull very far ahead. Still, it will be a very telling day and by the end we should have a front-runner for the Democratic presidential nominee.

Clinton sports leads in three of the big four: California, NY and NJ, while Obama leads in Illinois. In California, her lead is very narrow. So if you care who you're next Democratic presidential nominee is going to be, so get out and vote. And then start inhaling gumbo and Hurricanes because it's Fat Tuesday, after all.

Omen-tastic Monday

So I just received two magazines in the mail -- the same day I had yet another phone interview -- and on the covers are the following articles:

"How To Ace Your Next Job Interview"
"It's Time To Break Up With Your Boss"

Now granted, I could have written the second article ("Dear Crazy Boss, fuck off. Sincerely, David James), but methinks that this is an omen.

I quickly scanned the first article, which was pretty normal fare. I think things went well, but then I thought that there was no way that Gore would lose to GW. I hope to god that I'm not so mistaken this time.